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影·无所有 2004-08-29 01:16

              Fire
Fire which I set on shine your whole body
so bright.
Fire, the flaming fire warms your deep heart.
The heart likes a hard ice beginning to thaw.
This now the very witching time of night looking at the blaze as if seeing the dawn.
Darkness brings the fear to you forever.
Don＇t leave the fire .or you＇ll feel cold again.
                                            怒放

jdwm 2004-08-29 02:01
有点意思，不过深度不够，

Darkness brings the fear to you forever这句衔接的不好，有些突兀

xcert 2004-08-29 02:41
引用 (影·无所有 @ 2004-08-29 01:05:21)
Fire
Fire  which  I  set  on  shine  your  whole  body 
so  bright.
Fire,  the  flaming  fire  warms  your  deep  heart.
The  heart  likes  a  hard  ice  beginning  to  thaw.
This  now  the  very  witching  time  of  night  looking  at  the  blaze  as  if  seeing  the  dawn.
Darkness  brings  the  fear  to  you  forever.
Don＇t  leave  the  fire .or  you＇ll  feel  cold  again.
                                                                    怒放

嗯……我改了一些不通順的句。

Fire which I set on your whole body, shines so bright.
Fire, the flaming substance that heats your deep cold heart.
The heart, like a cold hard ice, is beginning to thaw.
Looking at the blaze, in this very witching time, I'm now seeing the dawn.
The fear of dark, was brought by the darkness.
So stay close with the heat, and your heart will be warmed, stay out of cold again.

改的不好，還望見諒 em15.gif

xcert 2004-08-29 11:35
Once the stone you're crawling under,
Was lifted off your shoulders.
Once the cloud that's raining,
Over your head, diappears,
The voice that you'll hear,
Is the crashing down of hollow years

单行本 2004-08-29 12:03
你们有没有想过？英文诗也是要押韵的啊···

慢慢修改·继续努力··

影·无所有 2004-08-29 13:35
引用 (xcert @ 2004-08-29 11:24:04)
Once the stone you're crawling under,
Was lifted off your shoulders.
Once the cloud that's raining,
Over your head, diappears,
The voice that you'll hear,
Is the crashing down of hollow years

强烈感谢你 我这个朋友自组全女子乐队的 也是玩吉他的 下次把他的歌词给你点评下 kaixin.gif

xcert 2004-08-29 15:00
難得有人賞識！！歡迎歡迎！！

影·无所有 2004-08-29 21:12
嘿嘿 你没事多把自己弹奏的曲子放上来也不错啊


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